GREEN TENT - LA TENDA VERDE - Winterfire by Kristin Raphaela Otti

GREEN TENT - LA TENDA VERDE

You are the Gift

12/24/2024

Merry Christmas! Juullimi pilluaritsi! God Jul! Frohe Weihnachten!

Every single one of us without exception is a gift given to this world. There is no need for grand gestures or long speeches, for we came into this world without wearing fancy clothes or bringing along a handful of gold: We are enough in everything we are. We are the gift.

We are enough in everything we are. We are the gift.

Tamatta allanut tunniussinnaasatsinnik tunissutissaqartarpugut. Tunissuvugut: qamannga pisumik asanninneq, qungujunnerput, uummaterput. Nammineerlunga kalaallisut ilinniarpunga. Kukkuvunga, utoqqatserpunga. Ilinniassanga.

Var och en av oss är en gåva. Det finns inget skäl att bära en mask eller att vara nån man inte är. Var och en av oss är en gåva, en present. Det finns ingenting du måste göra. Du själv är gåvan.

„Storyteller X-mas-tree“, coloured pencils, Kristin Raphaela Otti (2004)

Jeder von uns ist ein Geschenk, eine Gabe an die Welt, an die Menschen, die in ihr wohnen, an die Wesen, die sie beseelen. Jeder von uns ist bar jeden Zierrates geboren, in sich vollkommen. Keine Geste ist vonnöten, kein Gold ist mitzubringen, du bist das Geschenk.

Heart of Winterfire

10/2/2024

I was born early, some would say eager to come into this world, I would tell them otherwise. It could be that it simply was the smell of freshly brewed coffee that made me storm head over heels into being. My mother’s water broke when she was tending to the guests of the café my grandparents owned, the “Espresso”, and I have to admit that I do have an affinity for coffee – yes, it is an affinity, not an addiction.

My life started with a challenge, not a problem, for any obstacle you face on your path is there to help you learn, grow and in the end blossom and bloom. It might not seem to be like that when you are in the thick of it, but every mountain you face, leads to a top with a gorgeous view. My Capricorn self would say, “Yes! And from that mountain top you can see the other mountains that are looming in the distance much clearer, so you know, where you have to head for your next challenge!” Capricorn does tend to not see the gorgeous view for all the mountains there are to climb. Like not seeing the forest for the trees.

Mixed Championship Finals (c) 2024 Austrian Finals

My affinity for coffee came mixed with the right amount of humor and it was and is very much needed, as challenges kept appearing and facing them became more and more exhausting until I reached a point where I lost myself.

Sometimes losing yourself is the only way to find the path to the light you carry within your heart.

I play floorball, a game that is fairly new in terms of competitive sports. I am prehistoric in the game, in a literal sense. I started playing while I was studying in Stockholm, Sweden. At age 44 I am still playing in the Bundesliga, the highest league here in Austria. I started out as an attacker, a right wing, but after an injury to our goaltender about twenty years ago, I was asked if I were willing play in goal for one game and help the team out. When I asked our coach as to why he had asked me, he gave me an answer that left me staring at him open mouthed. “You are the only one willing to get hit by the ball while back-checking and defending our goal.”

Victory against Belgium (c) 2018 Sabine Weinrich

It had not been some hidden talent he had observed, but my willingness to take the pain while defending. I have played in goal ever since. It is the most demanding and challenging position, both physically and mentally. The best training I could ask for for the path I am walking now and life itself.

What most people do not know is, that shortly after winning our first large field championship here in Austria, I quit playing because of depression and my world completely falling apart. I did not play for more than ten years. During the time I got lost completely and because I could not protect myself, I ate a lot and by eating I created a protective layer around me. I went up in weight until I weighed more than 200 kgs. I am neither exaggerating nor joking. In 2016 I got sick and in 2017 I fought a second battle for health, lasting eight months.

During that time, I was called onto a journey and during that journey I was given a choice between two paths. I chose life. I simply changed everything. It took me eight months to get into playing shape again. How I went down in weight? First I stopped eating carbohydrates, then I started to fast. Fasting healed my mind, my body and my soul.

The great part about carrying so much weight is, that you automatically do strength training with every step, so I was taken by surprise, when I went to the gym again and realized how strong I had become.

(c) 2024 Tim Dornaus

I am not special. I am no different than anybody else out there. I am not bigger, I am not smaller. A teammate asked me, “How the hell did you do that?!” Her question puzzled me. I just did it.

I had not played for more than ten years. I gave my comeback in the Bundesliga at age 37. At age 38 I gave my comeback for our national team, playing against France and Belgium. At age 44 my team won the Austrian Mixed Championships, men and women playing together, winning together, and I played two of those matches in goal. I have not officially retired yet, I have too much fun playing and the part I like most is being there for the younger players, especially of course, the goalies.

Yes, that is indeed me. I am not the one with the short white hair, that is my grandmother.

Up until now, I have hardly spoken about it. I told my story whenever I felt it was needed: to encourage a teammate or another floorball player coming back from an injury or dealing with depression, people I am walking with or to those who simply needed to hear that no matter what darkness you are in, it is your story to write and you are able to make the impossible possible.

Yes, you. The pen and the feather are in your hands. You are the author of your story.

I am not special. I am no different than anybody else out there. I am not bigger, I am not smaller. A teammate asked me, “How the hell did you do that?!” Her question puzzled me. I just did it, the fire in my heart lighting the path through the darkness: Hope.

I call hope winterfire, the one fire that cannot be extinguished, no matter how deep the winter, how deep the darkness is. It is the tiny ember, the spark, that can be found in every being, every stone, plant, tree, speck of dust, that bursts into full flame, when spring is coming.

Every journey starts with the first step.

Dare to dream.

Dare to tell your story.

Dare to inspire.

You are winterfire. Nothing is impossible.

That is me in 2021. The picture was taken during a team practice.

Butterfly Medicine

6/11/2024

The butterfly is an incredible teacher and companion. It flies on silent wings, never disturbing the peace, always being in the moment, for the butterfly has shed its past and left it behind.

The caterpillar changes into something entirely new, a chrysalis, and the fire within, kindled by trust in its path, melts the ice away that had covered its heart. It is reborn as a butterfly, transformed completely.

It does not speak with its mouth, for it its one with all of creation and sees no need in manifesting any riches for itself. Instead, it sings its beautiful song from the heart, greeting all of creation with unconditional love, sharing its wealth.

The butterfly has known hardship and learned to survive on sheer will. As a caterpillar the butterfly has its skeleton on the outside, using it as protection, shielding itself.

"Shadow Butterfly", black pastels, Kristin Raphaela Otti (2023)

"White Peacock Butterfly", white pastels, Kristin Raphaela Otti (2023)

While growing it rapidly sheds the old skeleton time after time, expanding until all its learning is done and its heart tells it to let go of the past completely.

The caterpillar changes into something entirely new, a chrysalis, and the fire within, kindled by trust in its path, melts the ice away that had covered its heart. It is reborn as a butterfly, transformed completely.

It carries its healing wisdom to all the flowers and herbs, even the ones, that are hardest to reach, the ones not visited by bees, now showing its true colors and healing wisdom openly.

The butterfly is the faithful companion of the raven, the secret keeper. It will never betray a secret, but keep it, for it sings with its heart and not its tongue. Whenever the raven needs nourishment and a trusted friend, the butterfly will guide it to safety and shelter.

Seahorse Wisdom

6/4/2024

Seahorse medicine is incredibly strong. Seahorses have three hearts beating simultaneously, so if one heart gets tired, the others keep the seahorse strong until it is fully recovered. They show us, that we have many resources within us and that when the heart that has been wounded in the past, is tired, the one being in the here and now and the one dreaming our highest good into being, our future, will be able to keep us whole until the wounded one is mended.

Seahorse knows that it is vulnerable, but it knows its vulnerabilities are not weaknesses. It acknowledges them and teaches us that recognizing our vulnerabilities is a way to empower and protect us and others.

Seahorses are poor swimmers, yet they are able to rest even in the roughest of seas with their tails wound around a stationary object. They swim along their path, one stroke after the other, resting and securing themselves when needed and continue on their path, when they have regained their balance, showing us how to navigate the stormiest of emotions and situations.

Their eyes move independently, they can see what lies behind them in the past, their present state and even glimpse into the future and see what lies in front of them at the same time.

"White Seahorse", white pastels, Kristin Raphaela Otti (2023)

All while being able to anchor themselves to any object, while being completely at peace within themselves, finding their balance again if needed.

Seahorse knows that it is vulnerable, but it knows its vulnerabilities are not weaknesses. It acknowledges them and teaches us that recognizing our vulnerabilities is a way to empower and protect us and others. Instead of lamenting over the fact, that it is a poor swimmer and thus not able to speed along its path, it uses the time needed to anchor itself to reflect and rebalance, thus gaining insights and wisdom, learning.

Squirrel Wisdom

5/28/2024

Squirrel is a quick-witted and resourceful mento, taking you by the hand showing you, that every challenge comes with a solution deep within and that there is no nut, that cannot be cracked. Impossible? Well, think again!

Hustling and bustling, squirrel reminds you playfully, that there are – indeed – only two days over the course of a year, where you can truly do nothing: yesterday and tomorrow. Instead of living in yesterday’s regrets and tomorrow’s fear, she embraces today, experiencing the world around her with an open heart.

"White Jumping Squirrel", white pastels, Kristin Raphaela Otti (2023)

"White Squirrel", white pastels, Kristin Raphaela Otti (2023)

Sometimes squirrel collects a nut, a well-earned treat, to be eaten later, and forgets, where she has stowed it away, but she does not feel regret about it, for any seed you plant with good intention, will grow into a gift for everyone and may very well become the tree, that will shelter you down the road, when you need it the most.

Hustling and bustling, squirrel reminds you playfully, that there are – indeed – only two days over the course of a year, where you can truly do nothing: yesterday and tomorrow. Instead of living in yesterday’s regrets and tomorrow’s fear, she embraces today, experiencing the world around her with an open heart.

Koala Wisdom

5/21/2024

The Koala is a peaceful and patient companion and mentor, who knows about the strengths of the beings around it and helps them to blossom, bloom and thrive. It never puts itself above others, but listens calmly to what each and every one has to say. Though it is quiet, it does not shy away from speaking up, but is always mindful of not putting anyone down.

It is a peacekeeper, whose mere presence soothes the minds and ailing hearts of others. It takes much to upset a koala, because it finds joy in the smallest of things and peace even in the harshest of storms.

The koala joeys are very vulnerable and as a result, the koala is very protective around them. It is also able to see deep into the hearts of its young and knows about their inner strength and inner fire. It trusts them fully, showing patience and foresight, and helps them grow into independent and strong adults, who stand tall and proud on their own two feet.

The koala is a natural born leader and nurturer, it senses, when someone in its tribe needs help and offers a helping hand without strings attached.

"White Koala", white pastels, Kristin Raphaela Otti (2023)

Its wisdom lies therein, that it knows, that help can only be given to those, who are willing to help themselves, and that change cannot be called forth, where there is no open heart to welcome it. Its instincts tell it, when to take someone’s hand and walk with him and when to patiently wait.

It is patient and gentle, filled with peace. It is able to calm down even the most restless mind and the greatest of storms with its loving and soothing embrace. It is a peacekeeper, whose mere presence soothes the minds and ailing hearts of others. It takes much to upset a koala, because it finds joy in the smallest of things and peace even in the harshest of storms.

Fox Wisdom

5/14/2024

Fox is a great companion and teacher. It never gives up or complains, but adapts to its surroundings and circumstances and turns them into an advantage by using its creative and resourceful way of thinking. Fox is a playful trickster, cunning and able to react immediately in tricky situations thus escaping even the direst circumstances with ease.

It is able to see through any illusion or deception, even the ones, it created itself. After becoming aware of them, fox quickly changes its point of view and is able to do things in a completely different – and sometimes - unexpected way and uses its quick wit and energy to get out of any unfavorable situation.

"White Fox", white pastels, Kristin Raphaela Otti (2023)

Fox is a shapeshifter, a jack-of-all-trades, but a master-of-none. It is able to become whoever it wants to be or needs to be to blend right into its surroundings and camouflage itself perfectly.

"White Reynard", white pastels, Kristin Raphaela Otti (2023)

Fox teaches you to see a situation for what it is and not as you wish to see it and to take a step back and become still, until you are able to see a way out.

It is not attached to its identity or any label put on it, for it knows, that once you let go of who you thought you were, you are free to become whoever you want to be and leave all limitations behind.

Fox is a walker of the in-between, a being of dusk and dawn. It understands the unspoken and is able to view any situation with complete detachment. It teaches you to see a situation for what it is and not as you wish to see it and to take a step back and become still, until you are able to see a way out.

Bellbird Wisdom

5/7/2024

The bellbird is mentor and companion, whose heart is singing the song of eternal hope, bearing the message that harmony and balance will come to those that do not give up and persevere through adversity. It has been chosen as a messenger, a bearer of prophecies and tidings of the Great One, travelling freely through the veils.

The bellbird knows how to unite even the most diverse group of beings, for its presence is soothing, calming and brings harmony. It uses its unique call to call to prayer and to stand united as one. Its heart knows about the connection between the hearts of all beings of creation.

It is shy and secretive, but it will speak, whenever it is called to. It has one of the most unusual and distinct voices among the flying ones. The call of the bellbird is the loudest call on Earth. It sounds like a bell and it wards of evil spirits and offers protection. It carries tones of healing and love, soothing the hearts of the beings it is protecting and bringing peace to their minds.

Young bellbird chicks do not sing instinctively, but learn their songs from their elders and practice them until they can bring together all the different tones in harmony.

"White Three-wattled Bellbird", white pastels, Kristin Raphaela Otti (2023)

The bellbird knows how to unite even the most diverse group of beings, for its presence is soothing, calming and brings harmony. It uses its unique call to call to prayer and to stand united as one. Its heart knows about the connection between the hearts of all beings of creation. Since the male and the female bellbirds differ greatly in color and looks, it knows that the color of your feathers or skin is not important. It is your heart, that shows your true colors.

It loves fruit and plays an important role in seed dispersal in its habitat. It knows exactly where the seeds will be of the greatest use and rather than letting digestion take its natural course, it regurgitates the seeds exactly where they will find the best soil to blossom, bloom and thrive. It teaches us to spread our seeds of wisdom wisely and to ponder where they will fall on fertile ground.

Starling Wisdom

4/30/2024

Starlings are great mentors and companions, harbingers of spring, that fly together in murmurations of thousands of birds, protecting each other. They sing of unity and purpose and the power of collective strength. The power of the collective is transformative and many voices united create a beautiful choir, when there is balance in cooperation.

“Who are you, when you are walking in your shadows? Who are you, when the sun is shining on you? Let your true colors shine and embrace, honor and celebrate who you are!”

The starling says, “Be careful about who you let into your inner circle!” A murmuration of starlings is a gathering of smaller circles working together. In those circles, there is absolute trust and seven birds fly together in perfect unison.

The starling is a shapeshifter and mimic, constantly learning from the beings and nature around her, absorbing new sounds and energies. She says, “Be careful that you don’t lose yourself when trying to make yourself into someone’s image! Fly side by side, heart to heart, but never follow blindly. Observe, how the words and actions of those around you influence you and your behavior.”

Starlings are both, the void between the stars and the stars sown into the fertile grounds of the in-between.

"White Starling", white pastels, Kristin Raphaela Otti (2023)

When you look at them from afar, their feathers look grey and colorless, but as soon as the sun shines upon them, their feathers are shimmering and glittering purple and emerald green, showing their heart. Starling says, “Who are you, when you are walking in your shadows? Who are you, when the sun is shining on you? Let your true colors shine and embrace, honor and celebrate who you are!”

Every heart knows a sacred song, bears a medicine within. Starling says, “Be still and listen! There is a song in your heart, sung with the voice of love and truth. Embrace your true voice and let it be heard loud and clear.” Starlings communicate and vocalize their needs without shame and are not afraid of speaking their truth. They know that relationships require clarity in communication.

First Steps into the Shadows

4/28/2024

Lessons and learning often come, when you least expect them. Naturally, for more often than not, they are connected to a part of yourself you have kept hidden very well, be it because you were afraid of shining your light or of looking into your own eyes reflecting a part of your soul you had seen in others and told yourself you would not find inside your own being.

Every darkness, every abyss holds a hidden seed of light. There is no night in which you cannot find a star to guide you. Look into your heart. It is there. Shine your light and be yourself. Be the unique and incredibly beautiful flower you are.

When I was still in the beginning stages of remembering aspects of mine, having them return and show themselves, I was on my way to my off-season strength training one summer day. I love walking and since our house is outside town it is about a thirty-minute walk to the fitness studio. Walking in silence is very healing and relaxing and I enjoy it.

While I was walking, I was called. While I kept on walking, my surroundings changed and I found myself in Peru. I walked right into the middle of a circle of shamans, that were leading a healing ceremony for a man that was lying on a colorful woven carpet on the ground. They were wearing their ceremonial garments, while I was walking in in shorts, a sweaty T-shirt, worn sneakers and my training bag slung over my shoulder. I didn’t stop walking, but simply said “Hello”, turned myself into a white jaguar and went straight into the man on the ground. I guided him through his healing in the underworld, then we returned into the material realm. He went back into his body and I walked out of him, turned myself back into my human form, said “Have a nice day!” and left the gaping shamans behind.

"White Jaguar", white pastels, Kristin Raphaela Otti (2023)

I never stopped walking and seemingly seamlessly I was back on my way to the fitness studio. An ordinary day at the office, except for the fact that I had never shapeshifted into a white jaguar before, I had never been called that way and I had never guided anyone through a healing like that, meaning that I had solely been a guide, scout and guardian and not the one doing the talking. That it had felt perfectly normal and as if I had done that a million times before, didn’t even faze me anymore at that point.

A few days later I was called by the guardian spirits that were protecting the farm of a friend of my mother’s. She had told my mother and me, that there were dark spirits haunting the farm she and her sons had bought and they had had accidents happen that they could not explain.

"White Jaguar Emerging", white pastels, Kristin Raphaela Otti (2024)

Her guardians told me, that they wanted me to scout for them and lead them to the parts of the premises, where I scented darkness. I was not to interfere. I had been summoned to scout, remember and learn. I turned myself into my white jaguar aspect and began to scout. Whenever I scented darkness, I called them. They went in and took care of business.

It was a very interesting experience. I realized, that I was not afraid of any kind of darkness or dark being. I was a hunter on the prowl. And there was another thing: The night and the shadows were my friends. I was perfectly hidden, completely invisible. I wanted to go into the darkness, understand it and find the light hidden within. Not interfering and not walking in was the challenge. When we were done, I sat down on a bench in her garden. I had decided to keep watch over the premises for a while in case we had not found all the dark spirits.

I never stopped walking and seemingly seamlessly I was back on my way to the fitness studio. An ordinary day at the office, except for the fact that I had never shapeshifted into a white jaguar before.

The next morning, I texted the friend of my mother’s and told her, that her guardians had taken care of the dark spirits. She was enthusiastic and texted back, that she would go for a walk and take a look around. She called me about half an hour later and said: “I could see it! There was a white jaguar walking around and everywhere it went, there were explosions of light soon after! The jaguar is sitting on a bench in the garden now. But you know, there is something very strange about it. It is not sitting there like an ordinary cat would. It is sitting there like a statue, stiffly and at full attention!”

Well, that is what you get, when you meet a jaguar that was born in Capricorn season.

I love walking into my shadows. Part of being jaguar is learning how to walk in, become perfectly still, observe and not react immediately. See, what is there and understand, what is not there.

Every darkness, every abyss holds a hidden seed of light. There is no night in which you cannot find a star to guide you. Look into your heart. It is there. Shine your light and be yourself. Be the unique and incredibly beautiful flower you are.

Author

Kristin Raphaela Otti

I am a shaman and storyteller from Carinthia, Austria, tending the fires of winter in the hearts and walking with those, who wish to embark on a journey deep within.

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